False Burden Bearing

DeAnna Willman photo pavitra-baxi@unsplash

“Which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!” Matthew 7:9-11

As we go through the lying spirits, there are some that are very subtle and can even disguise themselves as being good, or as a desirable quality in a believer of God and His son, Yeshua/Jesus. One of these is the lying spirit of false burdens or false burden bearing. I am sure that many of us know a person who will bend over backward to take care of everyone else’s needs or desires, even if it means putting their self in harm. This person goes out of their way to make sure that everyone is happy and feels included. He or she will move mountains to get the desired result. This sounds good and righteous, but is it really? What is the motive behind the behavior?

False burden bearing is related to co-dependency and control. Because of False Burdens, one will operate in those other two lies and sometimes even in self harm/rejection. Let me shed more light on this with a personal testimony. Know in advance, this is a testimony of healing and the mighty work of our Father within myself and those involved.

Due to the circumstances, choices, and because of the lies which my parents believed about God, themselves, and others, I was often left alone with my siblings. I, being the oldest was expected to be responsible for them. Now I was babysitting other people’s kids at the age of 11, but the responsibility at home was much heavier and honestly not meant to be born by anyone. For, while I was alone with my siblings, I was expected to make sure they did their chores, that everyone got along, that there were no problems, and to fulfill whatever unexpressed expectations my parents had that day.

This extended even into our day at school. If one of my siblings was in a fight, why didn’t I stop it? If one of them was being teased on the bus, why didn’t I do something about it? If they didn’t do their chores, I was the one in trouble. If they didn’t get along, or there was a problem while my parents were gone, I was the one in trouble. If one of those unexpressed expectations was not fulfilled, I was in trouble. And being in trouble did not mean being grounded or being sent to my room or phone privileges taken away. It usually entailed a lot of screaming (or silent disapproval) and a beating.

To keep from getting into trouble I would do all I could to make sure everyone was happy or at least not complaining to the parents when they came home. So, often, when I couldn’t nag or manipulate my siblings into doing their chores, I would do them for them. At times, I would become so angry at them (really at the burden I was bearing and those forcing me to bear it) that I would beat my siblings into submission. I was doing all I could to protect myself. Self-preservation.

I learned and believed that I had to protect myself. And this spilled over into my relationships with others, including my husband and children. I had to make sure that everyone was happy, no one felt left out, or got their feelings hurt. If one was depressed, it was my duty to make them happy. If they made a bad decision, it was my duty to get them out of the negative consequences. I had to make sure that everyone’s needs were taken care of, even if it meant controlling and manipulating others to achieve what I thought was needed. I was constantly evaluating and dissecting others’ words and actions to figure out what their unexpressed expectations were in order to fulfill them, and if I didn’t, I was a failure at helping another person. If someone took offense, felt left out, wasn’t included, or hurt, it was my fault. If someone had a problem (usually due to their own choices) I felt burdened to fix it for them. After all, the bible tells us to bear one another’s burdens, right? I don’t know how many nights I lay awake trying to figure out how to fix another person’s problem rather than taking it to the ONE who could help fix the problem. I was, in essence operating as God, and still trying to keep myself out of trouble. I was still operating in self-preservation. It just looked on the outside like something very noble and biblical. I even believed the lie that it was noble and biblical.

Until Abba God revealed to me the truth. “You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free.” HalleluYah! THAT is truth! He opened my eyes to the fact that I was bearing burdens that were not mine to bear. I could not control nor take responsibility for another person. I could not fix things for them. I had to learn to differentiate between how I might be able to help, and when the situation was truly out of my hands. Then I had to learn to let it go. I was not operating in righteousness. I needed to repent. And I did! With tears of joy! I needed to exchange the lie for the truth and truly believe it. I did and I do.

I am not alone. I am not responsible for the situations and circumstances of others. I am not responsible for fixing things for others or for how they feel. I do not have to read peoples’ minds or try to figure out their unspoken expectations. And I do not have to live up to another’s expectations, spoken or not. I’m not going to get in trouble because I didn’t fix someone else’s mess. My worth is not dependent upon what I do or do not do for others. I can be myself and allow others to do the same. I no longer need to operate in self-preservation.

After repenting of these lies and the behaviors that came from them, I was led to cast out those spirits from my life and mind. I exchanged those lies for truth and had to meditate upon those truths until they became a physical part of me in my brain and non-conscious (63+ days). I must operate in that truth repeatedly until it is a natural response in my thoughts and behavior (everyday). I must also be aware of, and on guard against every time the enemy tries to re-enter my house (mind). Luke 11: 24-26; 1 John 4:4 (everyday till Yeshua returns!!) I daily remind myself that only God can work all things together for the good of those who love Him, and to His glory. Only He can supply everything that is needed. And NOTHING will thwart His purposes! And only what He expects of me is important to learn and fulfill. (Rms 2:28; Phil 4:19; Matthew 7:9-11; Job 42:2; Micah 6:8; John 14:15)

I have been delivered from bondage, but I must continue to go forward (operate and believe) in that freedom and choose to treasure that freedom, rather than allow myself to go back to Egypt. I choose to journey with others who are learning to walk in freedom. I allow some of those others to hold me accountable for continuing forward in that freedom. I daily give praise and thanks to my Deliverer, YHWH God, our Father. HalleluYah! What a gift of love, mercy, and grace I have received! It can be yours, too! I desire that for you.

“Bear fruit in keeping with repentance.” Matthew 3:8

Side note: forgiveness has been sought, given, and received from all members of my family as we have and continue to receive healing in mind, body, and spirit. We are truly learning to live in freedom as new creations in Yeshua. And it is beautiful! It is my prayer that your journey of healing in mind, body, and spirit be so, also. AMEIN!