Work to escape

DeAnna Willman photo vitalygariev@unsplash

“Then God said, "Let us make man in our image, after our likeness.”

I had thought that we were done with the topic of self-preservation and had started working on another topic for the blog. However, Abba has made it clear that He has more to teach us on this topic before we move to another. So, buckle your seat belts, this one is going to challenge all of us, but especially our men.

In the beginning, when God was creating everything in the heavens, earth, and seas, He created each creature to reproduce according to its kind- like begat like, as some translations will say. So, birds produced birds, elephants produced elephants, daisies produced daisies, grass produced grass, etc. Each produced another life in its likeness. Then, the Bible tells us that God made man in His image, according to His likeness. Do you understand the depth of that statement?! Everything God created was reproducing in its likeness, according to its own kind. And God created (produced) man in His image, after His likeness. You were not reproduced out of an amoeba, out of primordial sludge, from the likeness of monkeys or apes, or out of any evolutionary happen chance. Men and women, You were created specifically in the image and likeness of God, Elohim. Let that sink in to your conscious, non-conscious, and every cell in your body. Breathe in and meditate upon what God did when He created (wo)man. Now, believe it. You were created to reflect, represent, glorify and display the likeness and image of our Creator, King, and Father.

Men, you were created to reflect, represent, display and operate in the masculine glory of our Father. Everything about you being a male is about Him and those specific “parts” of Him that make up a maleness. Women, you were created to reflect, represent, display and operate in the feminine glory of our Father. Everything about you being a female is about Him and those specific “parts” of Him that make up a femaleness. Nothing about you is a mistake. God produced you in His image and likeness. He produced you specifically as He did with a plan and purpose in mind, and with love for you even before He began “knitting” you together in your mother’s womb.

Satan has been working since the beginning to steal, kill, or destroy that purpose, plan, and glory within us. And unfortunately, he is very successful at getting many to believe his lies about who we are and to whom we belong. He would have us believe we are mistakes, or at best a chance of evolution with no purpose, no mission, no authority, and no glory. He would have us believe that God does not love us. LIES!!! You are the image bearer and made in the likeness of YHWH. There is great glory and worth in that truth!

Then, Scripture tells us, “God blessed them. And God said to them, “ Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish, the birds, and over every living thing on the earth.” Many translations put the word “work” in place of “subdue”. Either way, the Hebrew meaning is “to bring order and beauty, creating, bring out potential, bring benefit for others.” God told us to assert our will over the earth and all that is in it to bring forth its potential, to create, and to bring benefit for others. To God, work is not a nasty four-letter word. It is an honorable action befitting those made in His likeness and image. It is an invitation to join Him in the work of creating, bringing order, and benefitting others. He placed Adam and Eve in a garden. Gardening was the first action of creating, bringing order, and benefitting others done by man. But that definition describes ALL work given to us, including the work of relationships.

One of the roles given to man is leadership, specifically of family. He is to lead his family on a path to relationship with YHWH and Yeshua. He is to make decisions and act to create, bring order, bring out the potential of, and benefit those within his family. Being a leader requires work. Relationships require work. Both are hard. Especially when a man is operating out of the lies he believes about God, himself, and others.

One man with whom I was discussing this topic told me that he did not sign up for the job of leadership of his family. He didn’t want it and just knew that he would fail if he were to try. He’s right. He didn’t sign up for it. No man did. That role was assigned to each man by God Himself. When He created each man, He did so with purpose and a plan. He wanted each man to operate in the role of leadership for a reason. He could have made you a female, but He didn’t. He deliberately made you a man. He assigned to you a part of Him that He did not give to women; leadership of the family. Oh, He knew it would be hard work. He knew you would make mistakes. He knew you would even sin and experience failures along the way. But He has a purpose for you in that role. And He does not leave you to do it alone.

Unfortunately, there are too many within our communities, congregations, society, and even families who have not reflected God in how they deal with this role. Some act as if it gives them great power over their family and act as dictators, or severe authoritarians. Others relinquish the role hoping someone else will take it up for them, usually the wife, who was not created or equipped to be the leader of the family. Both are acts of self-preservation. Neither action is a righteous handling of the role and responsibility men have been given as the bearer of Yah’s masculine glory. They do not reflect the character of our God that was given to you to embody. But they aren't the first. Adam was the first to fail to do the work he was given as leader of his family. What was the result?

Too many of our men are what was termed in the 1980’s, a “workaholic”. These are men who spend more time at work than they do at home or anywhere else. I’m specifically pointing out those who are always at work to avoid being at home, whether it is being on the road, at the office, in ministry, or buried under projects during the time he should be off from work. He feels incompetent at home, the relationships are hard work, he has convinced himself he is a failure at being a husband and/or father, his wounds hurt worse when he is at home due to the bondage to the lies he believes. So, he is always at work. Always away from home, physically and emotionally. At work he feels competent, needed, fulfilled, and relationships there are shallow so there is very little work needed in them. He feels better about himself when he is at work. He feels worthless when he is at home.

Now, I am not ignoring the fact that some women do act as if their husbands are not needed. I’m not talking to guys with those wives. I’m talking to those who simply believe lies about their self-worth and choose to spend most of their time where they feel better about themselves. You are escaping. You are not growing, healing, learning, becoming who God desires you to be. You are taking the easy way out. And you are sinning. Sinning against God, against your family, and against yourself. God did not give you work so you could avoid being leader of your home. He did not give you work to feel good about yourself. He did not give you work to soothe your ego. He gave you work in order to create, bring order, bring out the potential of what you do, and to benefit others. Workaholics may look like they are doing those things, especially if their job is in ministry. But in reality they are not. They are avoiding those things. They are failing to work on relationships that matter. They are failing to work at bringing out the potential of their family and family members. They are failing to create something lasting and that glorifies YHWH. They are failing to benefit anyone other than the company or themselves. They are operating in self-preservation. Work is “other” vision and centered. Self-preservation is Self-centered with no vision.

Men, when you fail to take on your role as leader of the family, fail to build relationships within the family, the whole family suffers. That is not a benefit, it is a detriment. Take a look at King David's family. Need I say more? Out of your actions of self-preservation you create wounds within those very people who look to you for safety, protection, love, and example of how to live in this broken world. Your wife becomes burdened with a role she was not meant to have, and she must try to fulfill it while also filling the role she was meant to fulfill. And there is no support. Your children learn from your actions that the job is the most important thing in life, even more important than your family. They learn that they have no worth as your children. They learn to avoid doing the hard things in life and leaving others to do them. They also get a picture of God that says YHWH is neglectful of His Family members; that He views our efforts more important than our hearts. They learn through your actions to believe that God would rather avoid them than enter into relationships with them. They learn to view God as Self-centered rather than “other” centered. And your actions have made Satan’s job of separating your family members from God so much easier.

OUCH! I know! When we take an honest look at our actions and how they affect others, it is usually very ugly. The good news, men (and women) is that you can CHANGE! You can repent and begin to do real work. No man is born knowing how to effectively lead his family or how to have perfect relationships. Just as we must learn to stand before we can walk, becoming a good leader and having healthy relationships takes work, practice, and time. It also takes humility in admitting where you are weak; asking for help, support, even mentorship from those who are leading and relating in a way you desire to do so yourself, one day. You will not find a perfect model outside of YHWH and Yeshua. But we are all called, not to perfection, but to faith. Faith says “I will do my best and lean on God for the rest, as I fulfill the role I have been given. I will lean into the invitation YHWH gave me to work alongside Him for His purposes and kingdom. I will trust He knows best and will guide me as I learn to lead and learn to relate. I will believe that He is always with me and will not leave me alone in my work. I will step into who God created me to be for His glory and for the benefit of others.”

Change your thinking. Fill your mind with truth. Then act in that truth, for Faith without works is dead.

Men, I know most of you have been hurt and wounded in some form or fashion. I know that most of you have had to operate in self preservation at some point in order to survive. I know that most of you believe lies about YHWH, about yourself, and about others. Mostly about yourself. Seek deliverance from that bondage and allow God to heal you as you walk forward. Allow Him to bring conviction, healing, and growth within you and your life. Stop trying to preserve yourself by avoiding what is hard and even messy, and live the life abundant Abba planned for you! We need you, men! We need you to operate in and reflect the masculine glory God placed within you when He purposely created you. We need you to do the work of leadership and of building relationships. We need you to be willing to get messy in order to create, bring order, bring about the potential of and to benefit those around you. Even if you do not have a biological family to lead, men, you have a spiritual Family in which to work- lead and build relationship!

It all begins with knowing, believing, and acting in truth. Meditate upon those things. Meditate upon truths God says about you as an individual and His relationship with you. 63 days of immersing yourself in truth will change your whole life, not just your mind and body. Just imagine what it will do for those you love!!!

My challenge to you this week is to search the scriptures for examples of men who did the work God gave them, whether they did it well. How did they struggle? What did they have to overcome? How did they overcome it? What came of their work? Who benefitted? What can you learn from them and apply to yourself and the work God gave you?

And women, don’t think you are off the hook. You have some work to do, as well. It just looks different and compliments the work our men were given to do. We’ll discuss more about that next time.

Until next time….

My child arrived just the other day
He came to the world in the usual way
But there were planes to catch and bills to pay
He learned to walk while I was away
And he was talkin' 'fore I knew it, and as he grew
He'd say, "I'm gonna be like you, Dad
You know I'm gonna be like you"

[Chorus]
And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
"When you comin' home, Dad?"
"I don't know when, but we'll get together then
You know we'll have a good time then"

[Verse 2]
My son turned ten just the other day
He said, "Thanks for the ball, Dad, come on let's play
Can you teach me to throw?" I said, "Not today
I got a lot to do." He said, "That's okay"
And he walked away but his smile never dimmed
It said, "I'm gonna be like him, yeah
You know I'm gonna be like him"

[Chorus]
And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
"When you comin' home, Dad?"
"I don't know when, but we'll get together then
You know we'll have a good time then

[Verse 3]
Well, he came from college just the other day
So much like a man I just had to say
"Son, I'm proud of you, can you sit for a while?"
He shook his head and he said with a smile
"What I'd really like, Dad, is to borrow the car keys
See you later, can I have them please?"

[Chorus]
And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
"When you comin' home, son?"
"I don't know when, but we'll get together then, Dad
You know we'll have a good time then"

[Verse 4]
I've long since retired, my son's moved away
I called him up just the other day
I said, "I'd like to see you if you don't mind"
He said, "I'd love to, Dad, if I can find the time
You see my new job's a hassle and the kids have the flu
But it's sure nice talking to you, Dad
It's been sure nice talking to you"
And as I hung up the phone it occurred to me
He'd grown up just like me
My boy was just like me

[Chorus]
And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
"When you comin' home, son?"
"I don't know when, but we'll get together then, Dad
We're gonna have a good time then"

Cat’s in the Cradle by Harry Chapin